Brian Gongol
The Trunk Monkey (3.31.2004)
Truly one of the funniest things I've ever seen. On failure, try this alternate link.
Canadian Government Bought Flags that Wouldn't Fly (3.31.2004)
Ordered one million flags, none of which could be mounted to flagpoles. Surprise: Someone's pockets got lined in the process.
Socialized Medicine Hurts Kids (3.31.2004)
Australia can't afford the safest methods to diagnose Australian children
United Owes Denver $261 Million (3.31.2004)
They get out of paying another $240 million to New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles; could be out of bankruptcy by the summer
Airport Doubles as Solar Power Plant (3.31.2004)
Turns unused space into productive land
Terrorist Violence Erupts in Uzbekistan (3.30.2004)
Two suicide bombers in marketplaces, plus attacks on police
Eight Men Held in UK on Terrorism Charges (3.30.2004)
Half a ton of fertilizer found in a storage unit; same stuff was used in Oklahoma City
Bomb Attack in Philippines Stopped (3.30.2004)
President there says it would've been like Madrid train bombing
Bomb Found on French Rail Line (3.29.2004)
Note to France: Rolling over and playing dead doesn't placate terrorists
September 11th Attacks Could Have Included Los Angeles, Chicago (3.29.2004)
Bin Laden also has a serious grudge against London
NASA Aircraft Hits Almost 5,000 MPH (3.29.2004)
That's the new world record
Boeing Thinks 2,000 Airliners Are Sitting Unused (3.29.2004)
That many available used airplanes sitting around is bad news if your business is building new planes
Pakistan Kills Al Qaeda's Intelligence Chief (3.29.2004)
Now let's leave a smoldering hole where Bin Laden used to be
Security in Some Cases Actually Worse than Before September 11th (3.29.2004)
Did the Department of Homeland Security streamline domestic protection, or just create another layer of bureaucracy?
Fetal Child Screened for Genetic Defects (3.29.2004)
The baby was picked so he can give his older brother a bone marrow transplant
Hamas Leader Killed (3.29.2004)
Suicide bombings will continue
Former Archbishop of Canterbury: Islamic Societies Too Authoritarian (3.26.2004)
Much hand-wringing follows, but can you really defend the House of Saud?
Blair Tells Gadhafi Military Cooperation Could Happen (3.25.2004)
A pat on the back for 'fessing up to having a nuclear program. A really big one.
600-lb. Man Dies After Being Rescued from Apartment (3.24.2004)
It took 10 firefighters and a cherry picker to get him out
Jobs Going Overseas Because We're Getting Dumber (3.24.2004)
50% of engineering, math, and science degrees in the US are going to foreign nationals
EU Demands a New Windows OS in 90 Days (3.24.2004)
Calls Microsoft a "brake on innovation"
"Trusted Travelers" Could Get Express Lanes at Airports (3.24.2004)
But is it a good idea to create a less-scrutinized class?
The Planets Are Aligned (3.24.2004)
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter all aligned for a couple of weeks
John Stossel Deserves a Plug (3.23.2004)
A rare breed: An economical thinker with a really big audience
Russian Nuclear-Powered Battle Cruiser "Could Explode at Any Moment" (3.23.2004)
Northern Fleet flagship ordered back to port immediately
Jesse Ventura's Been Hanging Out at Harvard (3.22.2004)
Read how the local pizza guy was disappointed in one of his study sessions
The Iowa Rain Forest (3.22.2004)
The project is still underway
Socialized Medicine Imperils Canadian Budget (3.22.2004)
No surprise: Budget crunch means that even some heart surgeries are on hold
Canadian Military Dangerously Small (3.22.2004)
It's not good to have a weak friendly neighbor. Better than a strong hostile one, but not good.
UK to Continue Avoiding the Euro (3.22.2004)
Blair says they're not ready yet
Brits Give Dasani the Boot (3.21.2004)
Coca-Cola's bottled water lasted just one month in the UK
Taiwanese Demonstrators Say President Faked Assassination Attempt (3.21.2004)
Break out the tin foil hats
Australians Realize Al Qaeda Targets Them, Too (3.19.2004)
Speech: It doesn't matter whether we help in Iraq or not, they're out to get us. Backing down won't make things any better.
US Ambassador to Canada: Beef Up Your Military (3.19.2004)
Says security service gets it, but average Canadian doesn't; they're not taking threats seriously enough
Honda and GE Working on a Business Jet Engine (3.19.2004)
Could make cheaper jets possible
Oil Spill Damage May Be Less When Oil is Pushed to Shore (3.19.2004)
It may be easier to clean up spilled oil when it's on sand than when it's at sea
Off With Bill Moyers' Head (3.19.2004)
He'll be leaving PBS soon, but not soon enough
Israel Says Frankfurt Airport Not Completely Safe (3.19.2004)
Not terribly reassuring, since some of the September 11th hijackers congregated there
Red Cross Visits Saddam Hussein (3.19.2004)
Maybe they took him a cookie
How to Kill a Perfectly Good Community (3.17.2004)
Waterloo is like a lot of places: High taxes and a stagnant business climate. There's a connection.
Cheney: We're a Cowboy Nation (3.17.2004)
If Spain, others back out, we're still going to take on Al Qaeda
World's Longest Email Disclaimer (3.15.2004)
When lawyers attack
Another Low-Fare Carrier on the Way (3.14.2004)
Virgin Group is looking for a hub and investors
Ad Exec Says Sell Sponsorships to Fund NASA (3.14.2004)
The joke possibilities are endless
Sometimes the Best Intentions Go Awry (3.14.2004)
Regulations in the West could be killing people in poor countries
Canada's Top Drug Offense: Pot Possession (3.14.2004)
And they're about to decriminalize it
UK, France, Germany: "We're Not Up To Anything" (3.14.2004)
Rest of Europe: "We've heard that before"
Europe Wants US to Speed Up "Open Skies" Agreement (3.14.2004)
So you can fly Air France between Chicago and Houston
Hard-Liners Fix Iran Election, but Change is on the Way (3.14.2004)
60% of population is under 35
Zimbabwe Could Execute Suspected Mercenaries (3.14.2004)
They were on a US-registered plane
New Round of Computer Viruses (3.14.2004)
Because it's apparently just too draining for hackers to go out and get a real hobby
Microsoft Security Chief: Hackers Are Getting Lazy (3.14.2004)
There was a time when hackers would exploit security holes and reveal them non-criminally; now, they just wait for security patches to come out and then mess with the programs
DC Sniper Gets the Chair (3.10.2004)
Still says he didn't do it, but the specially-modified car they used speaks otherwise
Achille Lauro Hijacker Dies (3.10.2004)
Was captured by US forces; they say he died of natural causes
Terrorists Hit Masonic Lodge in Turkey (3.10.2004)
One went in shooting, the other set off a bomb
"Urban Planner Stuck in Traffic of Own Design" (3.10.2004)
One of the better Onion spoofs of late
How Socialism Kills (3.10.2004)
Anecdotal evidence doesn't make a complete case, but it reveals real problems
100 Most-Mispronounced Words (3.10.2004)
It's pronounced Feb-ROO-ary, people!
Coolidge's Most Famous Quote Wasn't His (3.10.2004)
He didn't exactly say "The business of America is business," but it was pretty close
Al Qaeda Now Working in North Africa (3.10.2004)
May be looking to diamond smuggling as a source of funds